:britpop made me burn my house down:

[ira]

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my name is ira shane oakes,
and if i look like i'm faking it,
that's because i am.

i got the kind of face that's dumb:
not in the particular type of way
that it's a bad face, all-in-all.
it's not a particularly ugly face.

but it's more dumb because it's
real bad at keeping secrets.

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YOU ARE THE LYCAN IRA OAKES.
YOU ARE THE CHILDE OF DESTON CLARC.
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go: take this the wrong way
[YOU KNEW WHO I WAS WITH EVERY STEP]
that i ran to you
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[HEIGHT]: 5' 7".
[WEIGHT]: 135 lbs.

[LAST SEEN WEARING]:
Whatever he picks up off his bedroom floor.


[OR WAS IT?]:
A lot of fucking black? The middle of the night?
Probably has a straw in his mouth.
Hooded sweatshirt?
Heelys.
Evel Knievel cape-print sweater?
That Misfits shirt with the sleeves cut out.
No, no, it had to be something to do with Bruce Lee.
Black, leather jacket? (Those went out of style like ten years ago.)
Plaid button up, unbuttoned. (Very 90s grunge rock.)


[IT WAS DEFINITELY]:
An off-white Evel Knievel shirt.
Holes in the hems of everything.
Grass stains.
Salt of sweat.
Knee pads.
Motorcycle helmet.
Goggles.
Motocross boots.


[BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A]:
Starbucks hat, a dingy, black flatbill.


[BUT THE NIGHT IS DARK AND LONELY.]
[AND I COULD BE SO, SO WRONG.]

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only blue or black days
[ELECTING STRANGE PERFECTIONS IN ANY]
stranger that i choose
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[HAIR]:
Thick,
wavy,
darkish strawberry blond,
gold/copper undertones,
short,
scissors only,
long top,
cow-licked.


[EYES]: Bottom of a swimming pool blue.

[EYEBROWS]:
Thick,
strawberry blond,
mousy brown undertones.


[FACE]:
Sunburned nose,
sunburned cheeks,
freckled.


[SKIN]:
Tanned,
sunburned shoulders,
scuffed,
freckled.


[SCENT]:
Mud,
water,
grass,
sweat
Ivory soap,
Galactic Apple 3-in-1,
Teen Spirit.

[JESUS CHRIST, IRA, DID YOU BATHE?]:
Burnt plastic,
spray paint,
burnt hair.

[BIRTH DATE]: April 24, 1999.
[AGE]: 18 and one half (+).

[SUN SIGN]: Taurus.
[THE YEAR OF THE]: Rabbit.

[TATTOOS]: None.
[PIERCINGS]: Ears. Simple steel studs.
[SCARS]: Tons of spills off high places.

[RESTING FACIAL EXPRESSION]: Fierce, inquisitive.

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and so i fall in love
[JUST A LITTLE OL' LITTLE BIT]
every day with someone new
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[BODY POSTURE]: Takes up as much space as possible; manspreads.

[MANNERISMS]:
Leg bouncing,
label picking,
straw chewing,
lighter flicking,
rapid texting,
burning what he's holding.


[POSTURE]: Slouchy.

[SENSE OF BALANCE]: Fantastic; was in gymanstics.
[AWARENESS OF ENVIRONMENT]: Not always great, making him appear clumsy.
[PHYSICAL AWARENESS]: High.
[DANCES]: Yes, frequently.
[SINGS]: Frequently.
[SPORTS]: Frequent.

[CAN HAS MUSIC?]: Yes.
[HAS DO INSTRUMENT?]: No.

[PLAYS]: Drums; badly.

[ENJOYS]:
Paintball;
Motocross;
Jumping off shit;
Cursing;
Stories;
Eating;
Bruce Lee;
WWE;
Fire;
Being told what to do.


[DISLIKES]:
Being told what to do,
having his stuff taken,
people who think they're too cool for stuff,
being looked at sideways,
being called crazy.


[IMPULSE CONTROL]: Poor.
[SPEECH]: Rapid.

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there's an art to life's distractions
[TO SOMEHOW ESCAPE THE BURNING WEIGHT]
the art of scraping through
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[SMOKES]: Infrequently, but really enjoys it.
[DRINKS]: Whatever's around.
[DIPS]: If he wants to lose some teeth.

[POCKETS]:
Matches,
A black BIC,
Marlboro Menthol shorts in a box,
Cracked, twenty dollar Cricket Wireless phone.


[LAST SEEN DRIVING]: Spray painted, black, Frankenstein dirt bike. Barely legal.
[LICENSE]: Motorcycle.

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some like to imagine
[THE DARK CARESS OF SOMEONE ELSE]
i guess any thrill will do
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[EDUCATION]: No high school diploma.
[GED]: No.

[OCCUPATION]:
XXX Video clerk,
Starbucks barista,
errand boy at Classic Auto.


[WAGES]: Hourly; hourly; bike upkeep.

[FINANCIAL STATUS]: Lower class.
[FINANCIAL GUILT]: Time is money; you're taking up too much of both.

[LIVING ARRANGEMENTS]: Apartment.
[ROOM MATES]:
- Cat [an actual cat];
- Fred [an actual Fred];
- Cheerio [also a cat];
- Bruce Lee [an actual box set].

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would things be easier
[IF THERE WAS A RIGHT WAY, HONEY]
there is no right way
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[MEDICAL HISTORY]:
Jaundice, Newborn.
Broken arm, 9.
Head trauma, bicycle crash, curb, 12.
Broken arm, 13.
Broken arm, 15.
Fractured wrist, fractured leg, fractured jaw, 15.
Intensive care unit, 17.


[PERSONAL LIFE]:
Boy's Ranch;
Scared straight activties;
Foster homes;
Back to home;
Foster homes, back to home.


[LEGAL HISTORY]:
Juvenile detention: Aggravated assault, destruction of property.


[MENTAL HEALTH HISTORY]:
Antisocial Personality Disorder;
Oppositional Defiant Disorder;
Intermittent Explosive Disorder.


[DRUG HISTORY]:
LSD (1),
shrooms (1),
marijuana (semi-regularity; piss test problems),
cigarettes (occasionally),
alcohol (4+).


[TRANSFERS]:
- ISS for flipping a desk.
- ISS for yelling, 'Eat my ass!'
- ISS for Gorilla gluing his shoes to the computer lab's floor -- desruction of property reported; parents fined.

- Reported for having cigarettes at school, called into the office, met in the hall by the superintendent, searched, suspended for bringing cigarettes, a lighter, and pocket knife onto school property.

- Transferred to secondary school.

- Transferred to Boys' Ranch.

- Transferred from Boys' Ranch to Juvenile Detention facility: Aggravated assault, destruction of property.

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[ira]

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[songs to slit your wrists to]
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[KARATE] - KENNEDY
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i know karate
i know jiu jitsu
i drive like a gangster
when i'm coming to see you


[DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE] - ELECTRIC SIX
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fire in the disco;
fire in the taco bell;
fire in the disco;
fire in the gates of hell.

don't you wanna know how we keep startin' fires?
it's my desire.
it's my desire.


[EXCITABLE BOY] - WARREN ZEVON
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well, he went down to dinner in his sunday best.
'excitable boy,' they all said.
and he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest.
'excitable boy,' they all said.
well, he's just an excitable boy.


[MR. BAD EXAMPLE] - WARREN ZEVON
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i started as an altar boy working at the church
learning all my holy moves, doing some research
which led me to a cash box labelled 'children's fund'.
i'd leave the change and tuck the bills inside my cummerbund.


[TEAR YOU APART] - SHE WANTS REVENGE
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it's cute, in a way, 'til you can not speak
and you leave to have a cigarette; youre knees get weak.
an escape is just a nod and a casual wave:
obsessed about it, heavy, for the next two days.


[ARSONIST'S LULLABYE] - HOZIER
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when i was a child, i'd sit for hours
staring into open flames.
something in it had a power:
could barely tear my eyes away.



[THIS COULD BE LOVE] - ALKALINE TRIO
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i got a book of matches.
i got a can of kerosene.
i got some bad ideas
involving you and me.


[CROWN ME] - HOPSIN
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i'll probably end up on the news dead
bullet in my head
mama on the tv screamin',
'thaT'S MY BABY.'


[HOP IS BACK] - HOPSIN
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i'll uppercut your ass so many times
it'll look like you was noddin' yes.
i'm the only child that my mom regrets.
probably best that you don't buy my album.
save your money, yo: do not invest.


[AM I A PSYCHO?] - TECH 9 FT. B.O.B & HOPSIN
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i am not a jacket with no
matching shoes and you
are not no fashion guru.


[ILL MIND OF HOPSIN 4] - HOPSIN
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'cause my kool-aid's got way too much sugar in it.
you better run like i'm booger flickin'.
homie, i been good at rappin': now i'm tryin'a get gooder with it.
so, i'ma just go beast and bring that west coast heat
'cause i'll be damned if you flex on me.


[YONKERS] - TYLER THE CREATOR
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s-s-shut the fuck up;
here's the number to my therapist.
tell him all your problems.
he's fuckin' awesome with listening.


[PASSIVE VENGEANCE] - PSYCHOSTICK
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well...
i'll move your bookmark
to a different page.
i'll let your hamster
out of its cage.
i'll call you names when you
just left the room.
i'll draw mustaches on pictures of you.
passive vengeance!


[SLEEPING LESSONS] - THE SHINS
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and glow, glow, melt and flow.
eviscerate your fragile frame
an spill it out on the floor:
a thousand different
versions of
yourself.


[THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT] - THE SMITHS
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take me out tonight
where there's music and there's people
who are young and alive.
driving in your car.
i never, never want to go home
because i haven't got one.

[ira]

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![achievement unlocked]!
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( ! ) P-P-POKER FACE ( ! )
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it's totally painfully obvious that
you're trying to mask your emotions.
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( ! ) IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY MAD AT ( ! )
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mika finds it impossible to stay mad
at you.
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( ! ) MUTTERED AT IN JAPANESE ( ! )
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you piss bronsone off so much,
he mutters about how stupid you are
in japanese.
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( ! ) RE-JECT-ED ( ! )
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it's not that you totally suck,
it's just that if you put yourself out there
sometimes you're going to get rejected.
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( ! ) I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN' ( ! )
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yes the fuck you did.
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( ! ) DADDY ISSUES ( ! )
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unsurprising.
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( ! ) THE SAFE WORD IS WILLABY JOHNSON ( ! )
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oh, fuck.
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( ! ) WON'T BACK DOWN ( ! )
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to your detriment, you're on some
johnny cash refuse-to-back-down shit.
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( ! ) DGAF WHERE TF WE ARE ( ! )
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you'll fight with your significant other!

you will fight them on a train.
you will fight them on a plane.

you will fight them in a car.
you will fight them at the bar.

you will fight them on the phone!
you don't have to be at home!

you will fight them here or there!
you will fight them anywhere!
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( ! ) ARE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME? ( ! )
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PFT. NO. (yes.)
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( ! ) SLUMPY BODY POSTURE ( ! )
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classic stroppy teenager.
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( ! ) MASOCHISM ( ! )
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you're more excited by the idea of his fists than the idea of his kiss.
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[ira]

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[DISCLAIMER: RAISED BY WOLVES]
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If you were looking for the feel-good family comedy event of the year,
you're barking up the wrong tree.
Close this book.
Exit this web browser.
Turn off this television set.

Whatever.

If you're in the market for a happy ending, a resolved conflict, or some
pretend-everything-is-okay-while-the-world-burns-around-us distraction
from reality you should probably just walk away.
If you just wanted to get away for like five minutes or you thought that
this was an opportunity to dull the pain of your small, small existence, you
were wrong.

This isn't going to help.

You aren't going to be okay.

I can't make everything better.

I'm no hero.

The good guy isn't going to win.
I'm not going to implore you to achieve your dreams.
I'm not going to tell you that we're all meant for something special,
important, or unique.
I don't have some plan to help you along your path to recovery.
We aren't friends.
We aren't lovers.
We don't belong together.
You might as well stop walking and run away as fast as you can.

My name is Ira Oakes.
This is probably not a story about murder.
This is probably not a story about being dead.
This probably won't end with me killing myself or dying in a freak accident.
This isn't going to change your life forever.

This isn't going to somehow make you a better or more adequate person.

Sorry.