<OOC NOTE AND CONTENT WARNINGS, 0:01-1:32> NIKKI: Hi! This is Nikki, the voice and mind behind Stieg Mata and a host of other characters in RavenBlack City Canon. If you’re listening to this, you might already know that this is a fictional radio program created by and for the characters of RavenBlack City, and many of us write on topics that tend toward the taboo and extreme for a variety of reasons. Here’s a list of content warnings for the stories you’re about to hear:
- Accidental/unintended biphobia
Infidelity
Adult-minor relationships
Statutory r*pe
Sexually explicit language
If you aren’t in a safe space to listen to stories containing these themes, please take care of yourself and listen to something nice. I really like Hello from the Magic Tavern by Arnie Niekamp and Ologies by Allie Ward.
If you’d like to read and/or listen to certain bits that won’t trigger you, I’ll be spoiler-tagging and time-stamping the transcripts on the Discord channel and preceding the spoilers with their respective trigger warnings for your convenience.
An additional caveat: the opinions that the character Stieg Mata expresses are not my own and should not be taken as an expression of the writer’s actual moral compass, nor should they be taken as actual, real-life advice. Thanks for listening!
NOTE FOR AB ANTIQUO LISTENERS/READERS: I couldn't find a way to spoiler tag here, so I've bolded and centered content warnings instead.
<OOC ENDS HERE>
[R U LZNG STING]
Welcome to R U LZNG. You’ve found our frequency just in time for another episode of the Confession Both. I am your unholy host, Steig Mata. And I’ve got to say, I can’t wait to sink my teeth into these confessions… so I’m not going to. Without further ado…
Let’s you and I step into the Confession Booth.
[BELL CHIME]
CW: ACCIDENTAL/UNINTENDED BIPHOBIA 3:20-4:51
BISEXUAL ERASURE: I confess that it's disappointing to know how someone who was once tolerable now has not only downgraded with themselves but decided their sexual interest is overly masculine, burly men so they can be a bottom, then top little girls: complete the balance to becoming an overall idiot.
STIEG MATA: Dear Bisexual Erasure, that’s a lot to unpack. Maybe your confession should be “I don’t understand how people’s sexual preferences can change…” or it could be that you haven’t yet confronted your own jealousy.
Instead of throwing shade—
[SHADE SOUND FX]
Instead of throwing shade at people’s sexual preferences, you should really customize, really personalize your hate. Stop being a coward and mail the object of your dissatisfaction a pipe bomb. It’s so much more personal. And really, don't we all want a personal touch in all our hate crimes?!
Two Our Fathers, Five Hail Marys, and the Anarchist’s Cookbook, and then you will be absolved of your sins. Go in pieces, my child. [/spoiler]
[BELL CHIME]
CW: ACCIDENTAL/UNINTENDED BIPHOBIA 3:20-4:51 ENDS HERE
CW: INFIDELITY 4:57-6:42
||SCARLET LETTER: I cheated. It's not something I'd ever done before, and it's not something I'm proud of. Not by a long shot.
I cheated on my partner last year, and they never found out. Not even after we parted ways. Sometimes I come up with reasons to justify it, but it's not something that came naturally to me then, and it doesn't feel great to this day.
I lead a good life now, but it's something I still think about, sometimes. I hope they're doing well, and I hope they never find out.
STIEG MATA: Dear Scarlet Letter, as creatures of the night we’re bound by precious few moral and ethical rules. In fact, one might say that we’re the poster children of moral and ethical relativism. We have no gods and no masters except for the ones that we create.
I suspect you already know that this guilt, this suffering, this hell is one of your own making. And that you can cure yourself of that guilt by lancing the infection of cognitive dissonance at the root. That is, you either come clean to your ex-partner and face the consequences of your actions… or you accept that maybe your perception of yourself was skewed all along.
Either way, who cares? It’s over now. Probably best to let cheating dogs lie.
CW: INFIDELITY 4:57-6:42 ENDS HERE
One Our Father, two hail Marys, and a glass of rose, because why the fuck not.
Speaking of drinks, I’m going to go make myself another gin and tonic, and we’ll be right back after these messages.
<AD BREAK>
[Elevator music]
You hate your kids. You hate your wife. You hate your life. Well, buddy, have I got the cure for you. (Vampirism!) You’ll never have to worry about stupid shit like paying for food, washing your dishes, talking to your ungrateful children, or traffic jams. (Vampirism!) Feast on the blood of the innocent and prey on the weak-willed masses. (Vampirism!) Wear black and a really cool cloak. (Vampirism!) Be young, dumb, and full of cum forever. (Vampirism!)
Side effects include paleness, sleepiness, catatonia, lack of coordination, delusions of grandeur, and clinical depression.
Ask your doctor about vampirism today!
[Elevator music fades out]
</END AD BREAK>
[R U LZNG - SHORT STING]
STIEG MATA: Welcome back. You’re still listening to The Confession Booth, and I am still your unholy host, Stieg Mata. If you have any confessions you’d like to send in, dear listener, leave us a message via our toll-free number, 888-666-1313. Our software records your calls, yadda yadda…. You could also just send us a text message like a normal fucking person. Honestly, who calls people these days? Ew.
[BELL CHIME]
COMMITMENTPHOBE: I'm about to marry this really great guy. My confession is I used to struggle with commitment issues and I've hurt a lot of people in my past out of fear. But I want this one to work out. He's genuinely such a good person, he put up with me through so much... I'm just scared of messing up and hurting him like I did my exes. I already hurt him once by choosing someone else over him and- I want to get better at this but it feels like... I don't deserve that happiness. I know it's just guilt but I had to get that out. I want to be better, and for once not run away from a good thing.
STIEG MATA: Dear Commitmentphobe, knowing yourself and why you do things is half the battle. The other half is the struggle to not fall into old patterns, and recognising when you are. I think you know that already. I think you’re here because you want to hear that you deserve happiness or a second chance at loving someone you hurt. Whether or not you do is not up to me to decide… and it’s especially not up to you. The person who loves you—the person who you’re marrying—clearly thinks you are. And really, all you can do is your best to prove them right.
No Hail Marys and one free bottle of Yamazaki 12 from The Ritz. Tell them Stieg Mata sent you.
[BELL CHIME]
CW: ADULT-MINOR RELATIONSHIPS, STATUTORY R–, SEXUALLY EXPLICIT LANGUAGE 11:07-12:27
ELIO: When I was a teenager I sort of seduced a much older man—one of my teachers. I know it probably wasn’t right for him to reciprocate and by common wisdom, I really should feel worse about it, cause I was taken advantage of in some way. But it was hot. I still think it was hot. My current partner knows, and they like to spin my head around with a fantasy of them finding me at my school and turning me and whisking me away to a life of debauchery and excess. I’m kind of hard just thinking about it.
[George Takei “Oh My” SFX]
STIEG MATA: Dear Elio, how you choose to deal with your trauma is none of anyone’s business. While it’s obviously not always the case, some people develop unusual kinks or particular kinks from trauma, or to heal trauma. It’s good to know that you’re dealing with yours in a safe, accepting environment.
Who needs therapy when you’ve got roleplay?
[Meaningful pause. Writer’s note: Yes, I’m looking at you, RavenBlack. I SEE YOU.]
STIEG MATA: I’d tell you to pray a few Hail Marys, but you’d probably be into that, you pervert.
CW: ADULT-MINOR RELATIONSHIPS, STATUTORY R–, SEXUALLY EXPLICIT LANGUAGE 11:07-12:27 ENDS HERE
[BELL CHIME]
???: Sometimes I think about my grandsires having sex. But I mean, have you seen [bleep] and [bleep]? Who can blame us?
STIEG MATA: [Inhale] … Eh.
[Ghost - Jesus He Knows Me]
STIEG MATA: That’s it for this week’s Confession Booth. Join us again next week or whenever I can be arsed to do these—and please, please, please keep sending me your spiciest stories and your most scintillating sins. I’m here, Dear Listener. I care. I bring you catharsis and absolution and you don’t even have to leave your chair.
Once again, this has been your host, Stieg Mata.
Goodnight.