“She’s an immoral cunt. You know she cheated on X with Y, right?”
“X ran Y out of the city. They were so cruel.”
“How could you sire under THAT!?”
“He’s a manipulative asshole, don’t talk to him!”
We’ve all heard it, time and again, about one person or another. Sometimes, those warnings are warranted. More often, it’s secondhand information and one side of a story being passed off as the gospel truth. Most of us have been stalking this city for well over a decade, holding onto one slight or another from years past.
In an ever diminishing community, those negative feelings push groups towards increasing isolationism. Clans and families become cliques, and once you’ve pitched your tent in one camp, you’re forever tarred with ‘their’ brush. Those biases are ironclad, and prevent younger vampires from ever finding their foothold within this city, feeding back into our waning population and inevitable alienation.
You fuck up once? There goes your shot at ever making nice with the Joneses.
This island of a city isn’t getting any bigger anytime soon. A lot of us have done wrong to others within this place, and yet pride has always gotten in the way of actually hashing things out. It’s easy to sit in our own camps and let old wounds fester.
Personally, there are some people I will never again trust, and that’s alright. But there’s a difference between distrust and open hostility. I can work with someone I don’t necessarily trust, so long as both parties are willing to put in the effort to make things work. Sometimes, all it takes is reaching out to those you feel have wronged you, or you’ve wronged. An open, honest dialogue is the first step to healing some of those old wounds, and it’s the most difficult step to take.
It takes a lot to accept an apology, and get over that hurt. It takes more to issue one; to put yourself out there, open yourself up to criticism and scorn, and admit you’ve done wrong.
There’s never a guarantee someone will accept your apology. I’ve written my share of heartfelt apologies that have gone completely ignored. But that’s fine - I manned up and did what I felt I needed to - not because I wanted to be able to sleep better at night, but because I knew I’d fucked up, and the person deserved an apology. Once sent, it’s no longer in my hands. You don’t get to decide whether or not an apology is accepted; you do what you can to make amends, and if the other party is amenable, you both set things right. Ideally, you both grow, move on, and make this infernal city a bit better of a place.
Everyone claims to be the type of person who wants to face issues head on, but so few actually do it. It’s easy to sit there and think that we’re just so open to making amends. I’ve heard a lot of “if only the other person would reach out” bullshit; that’s cowardice. Stop expecting others to come to you, put your ass on the line, and actually risk something - be it a friendship, or a blow to your pride and ego. If you fucked up, own it. If you want to have a city to come back to in a few years, suck it up and reach out.
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It would be remiss of me to wax poetic about the merits of trying to make things right without actually showing I mean it. So here’s me putting my money where my mouth is; I’ve owed her this for a long, long time:
- The Supreme Court was a slight to everyone put up on the block, but I was personally responsible for ophelia’s trial. It wasn't just ophelia who was wronged in the court, but she more than anyone had accusations leveled at her that were stretched, and in most cases, blatantly false.
I cannot take full credit for the accusations levied against her, but I can take responsibility for my part in it. ophelia, it was my ‘job’ to drag you through the mud and claw at the very essence of your person. It was my ‘duty’ to pull you into the spotlight and shine a beacon on every perceived wrong in your decorated past. It didn’t matter that the good in you far outweighed the bad: you were put up on a pedestal for all the city, so I presented anything and everything that was dredged up against you, true or false. And it was wrong.
No one deserves to be lambasted for the crime of wanting to step out of the spotlight, to step out from under the crushing weight of leadership. No one deserves to be put on the chopping block because of who they love, regardless of public opinion. No one deserves to be shamed for changing the course of their life to better follow their own happiness.
You were always kind to me, and this is how I repaid that kindness. I absolutely regret having been the one to level those accusations at you, and I am sorry. I do not expect forgiveness from you. I don’t expect words to miraculously erase years of hurt. I just want you to know that I regret my involvement, and I am sorry you were hurt.
Vexian de Draak
