nia sinisin
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thump. thump.
don't close your eyes.
listen, nia.
you are prey in a city of the undead.
focus.
inhale. exhale.
each beat of your heart is a death sentence.
do you remember the taste of peyote tea?
the sweat, the tears, the sand between your teeth?
the grit- you thought you saw your mother
do you remember nails shadowed with dirt?
how long has it been now?
keep breathing.
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you're here to bake, nia.
'a bakery!'
you said, in a stranger's car, thumb sore.
you threw your bonnet into the wind - it caught, twirled--
said 'goodbye, lord!'
while you went 69-in-a-60 and ate little debbies.
this was as good of a place as any, you figured
but now it's five years later, you're five years older.
made yourself some friends once you made a home
you like them well enough.
pickett, cliff
but who are you?
who are you when you hear the name
that freezes your blood cold?
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you smell like flour and sugar and butter.
you smell human.
they can smell you in the air, nia.
you're not too tainted to bleed.
ooze nicotine, alcohol, thc, red-
you can only be lucky for so long.
you already have marks on your neck - teeth, fangs, collar.
you know what they call humans?
'walking lunchable.'
'talking burger.'
'fresh dinner.'
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slow down, nia.
your heart is pounding
[ because you're human ]
count backwards from ten,
just how your preacher muttered against your ear-
spittle on your cheek, while he panted over you.
just count back, and pretend you're somewhere else.
can you do it nia?
can you feel death in the air?
he's sitting at the bar beside you.
what were you thinking about,
the first time they saw you?
[ hishands,herprincessbedroom,thewayvampiressleep]
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you've known danger.
you've danced with devils.
you regret little, live for so much
you want to be better for them,
even when nightmares make you cry
into the night.
you're only human, after all.
what were your last words, honey?
your name is nia sinisin. you're just trying to survive.
