Ab Antiquo

They say dead men tell no tales, but they do, they do! I've seen it all as a gravedigger; wives sitting in their chairs as the priest gives the final farewell, while the woman they actually loved is hiding next to a tree under dark sunglasses, bawling her eyes out.

Spawns fighting over property they didn't know mom and dad had. Hell, back in the day people used to hide coffers with their family members to try and pull a fast one over the rest of the family. I've seen and heard it all. The secrets I've collected over the years---if only I could turn them to profit!

But wait, I can! I can trade secrets for profit! Just ask the staff at AB as they welcome me as part of their extraordinary staff members. Slip me a slippery secret or rumor you've heard and if it's good enough, I print it and I get to keep my job and make profit. Let's face it. Dead men only tell so many tales and then I've got to find new material! Which reminds me! Not only will I be sharing juicy tales, but I'm your new advice guy. Can't stand someone? Punch their lights out! I'm a wealth of knowledge, you'll see!

What are you waiting for? Dead men can't tell tales if they've got nothing to share!

https://bitsandbones.sarahah.com/

In my haste I erred in leaving my mailing address! Please, send me your dirt, bones, secrets and stories! I shall unearth them for all to see like the treasures they are!

Rumor has it next Ladies night at Hellfire is elephant themed?
You would have to ask mandolin to verify.

Tidbit to make this seem legitimate,

Barely veiled fabricated sniping

Ball patting to attempt to balance that last one

Completely fabricated ball patting.

Good to see things are back to normal at the Ab.

I’ll start adjusting accordingly.

Damacus wrote: ↑

Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:59 pm

Tidbit to make this seem legitimate,

Barely veiled fabricated sniping

Ball patting to attempt to balance that last one

Completely fabricated ball patting.

Good to see things are back to normal at the Ab.

I’ll start adjusting accordingly.

My Good Sir, you are more than welcome to send me rebuttals! People do not just have to dish out dirt for graves, kind words and flowers are more than welcome! Brighten an old man's day, you might. I prefer the words over the flowers being allergy season. In other words, the people of the city can always mail me anonymous positive and kind words about a person. Secret admirers and the likes of.

This is just another smoking soon to be dumpster fire, like pretty much every other attempt at this. Sadly, you'd think the folks that flail and whine about 'negativity', among other things would also be flailing by the utter shit that's about to be produced, because that's an inevitable eventuality.

ophelia wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:48 pm

This is just another smoking soon to be dumpster fire, like pretty much every other attempt at this. Sadly, you'd think the folks that flail and whine about 'negativity', among other things would also be flailing by the utter shit that's about to be produced, because that's an inevitable eventuality.

Dumpster fire? No ma'am, with all due respect. A funeral pyre is more my line of work!

Not entirely sure I know what you're talking about. Keep my name out your little typie fingertips before I raise hell for anyone involved in this paper. Get your facts and history straight or lay in the bed you made.

I'm probably going to get some grief for saying this but fuck it.

It's good to see something different even if done before. All that's been posted lately are selfies, and hall activity. Oh yeah, and the WAYTs. That's not directed at anyone, it's just a fact.

We are fucking immortal. We war. We kill. We feast on the dead. These are words.