Ab Antiquo

Posted: **Sun May 31, 2020 3:59 pm**

Good evening, guys and gals!
For the month of June, (or the most of it at least,) I shall be running four competitions!
This first week, from June 1st until June 7th at 4pm (BST), I want you to send me your best jokes! My favourite one wins 20k! And so there's no accusations of favouritism, I ask that no names be left, rather, a "code name" or "password" as you will, to be left with the submission, then all I need from the winner is the word or numbers they left at the end of their submission for them to claim their prize!

Example:
"Knock! Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Candice."
"Candice who?"
"Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?"

Code Name/Password: CrayolaFace678

When I announce the winning submission, all you have to do is inbox me with the Code Name/Password that was attached to that entry, so in this case it would be: "CrayolaFace678".
It's that simple!

So c'mon, try split my sides! What do you have to lose?

http://freesuggestionbox.com/pub/mwcaknn

Posted: **Mon Jun 01, 2020 12:54 am**

This is wonderful and wholesome fun. Do we get to see the jokes, too? Because that would be fun to read, I think!

Posted: **Mon Jun 01, 2020 1:39 am**

Aziza wrote: ↑
Mon Jun 01, 2020 12:54 am
This is wonderful and wholesome fun. Do we get to see the jokes, too? Because that would be fun to read, I think!

Of course! Part of the reason I thought of doing this was to give people something to do and then a short read at the end of the week that's available for everyone. I'll post the other entries, but I'll highlight my favourite one in another colour to the rest, and also state it's my favourite one, just so there's no room for confusion.

Thanks for the interest!

Posted: **Mon Jun 01, 2020 7:50 pm**

Score! Sounds great, look forward to seeing them and also laughing my ass off - or face-palming from all the dad jokes you're probably gonna get. Woop woop!

Posted: **Thu Jun 04, 2020 11:00 am**

Well. You gals and guys still have 72 hours left to enter this. So far there's not that much competition, so you should come and have a shot before someone has an easy walk away of 20k.

Posted: **Sun Jun 07, 2020 3:00 am**

You all have eight hours left!
Good luck!

Posted: **Sun Jun 07, 2020 11:05 am**

Hello again!
I just want to say, thank you for those that took part. You lot have some right 'Dad Jokes' going on! I will admit, I took one entry out, because it was a name, and I didn't want anyone thinking I was throwing in my own shade, so apologies to that person for me not posting it up, but it was just in case there was any drama over it.

If your joke is in GREEN, you're this week's winner! So please reach out to me with your Code Name/Password when convenient for you.

Without further ado, here were the entries for the week:

"I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know."

Damnit. Now you have me curious. Where's my Sire's card details... he can't yell at me if it's for SCIENCE.

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ben."
"Ben who?"
"Ben Dover."

...I guess that would be a very unfortunate name to have in prison. Soap on a rope, anyone?

"What happened to the two mad vampires?"
"They both went a little batty."

...I see what you did there. I'm watching you! ...somehow.

"How does a vampire clean his house?"
"With a victim cleaner."

Oh... dear. I'll admit, it took a half second. And then I snorted a little.

"What kind of bee can't make up its mind?"
"A maybe!"

It's a cute one, I'll give you that.

Yesterday, I saw a man drop his entire board of Scrabble out on the road. I asked him, "So, what's the word on the street?"

Oooof. A joke and a lowkey burn. Good thinking, Batman.

And here we have it, our winner:

"What's a pirate's favorite letter?"
"Rrrrr."
"You think it would be, but he loves the sea."

Oh Maaaan. :') That trickery! Are they his favourite kind of men too? Either way, congrats! Hit me up during the week for your prize.

Again, thank you for your entries!
And thank you to everyone who is just here to read!

Here's another few jokes, for your amusement:

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can't break the ice.

Why was the shark eating pineapples?
Because it makes seamen taste better.

Why did the coffee file a Police report?
Because it got 'mugged'.

Ba-Dum-Tsk

This Week I want...
Your BEST pick up line.
You can send me cheese, you can send me genuine, but whichever is my favourite will be the winner of another 20k! OR, those romantic sorts can choose to have 64 Perfect Red Roses sent to the person of their choice. Or do it half and half, as in, they get 10k, the person of their choice gets 32 Perfect Red Roses. It is entirely up to the Winner!

Just to be clear, it's the same guidelines!
So an EXAMPLE would be:

"Do you have some rigor mortis going on in your lap there, or are you just happy to see me?"
Code Name/Password: MrLuvaLurv69

You have until Sunday 14th, 4pm (BST).

So, go, go, go!!
Good luck!

http://freesuggestionbox.com/pub/tikxwsj

Posted: **Thu Jun 11, 2020 11:00 am**

You guys and girls still have 72 hours to enter this week's competition.
Seems you're all a bit shy for this one.

Posted: **Sun Jun 14, 2020 12:30 pm**

And yet again, here I am.
This Week I wanted your best pick-up lines, and a couple of you delivered.
See if any of these can make any of you self-proclaimed stone-hearted mofos smile or cringe.
Hell, make it into a drinking game! Each one that makes you cringe, take a shot!

If your pick-up line is in GREEN, you're this week's winner!
So please reach out to me with your Code Name/Password when convenient for you.

So enough of my babble! Here we go with the entries, and hopefully, and more importantly, the shots:

"Are you a vampire? Because your good looks drive me batty."

Ooooh. Oh, honey. Just stick to buying them a drink.

Or maybe a lot of drinks.

"Give me a sketchbook baby, because I want to draw your blood."

Personally, I prefer the old fashion way. Fangs. But still!

"Hey babe, you're hot AF. Even hotter than most of the vampires I've burned."

...ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the 'psychopath'. I like the key word of MOST here too! Burn.
...wait.

"Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit."

...wait, who was last in your lap to make it require a good ole vaccuming?!
Please say cat, please say cat...

"You are so selfish. You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night."

Bloody body snatchers! Don't fall for it, people! Who knows what they'll do with it!

"Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie. I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle."

...wait, what do you mean you didn't bring me an oreo to bribe me with?! Esh.
...Imagine hitting on a girl with that line whilst not knowing she's just came out carrying her cream pie dessert in her lil pink purse...
AHEM! Congrats, future oreo dealer! You are this Week's winner.

Hit me up during the week for your prize.

Again, thank you for your entries!
And thank you to everyone who is just here to read!

Here's another few terrible liners for you to cringe over:

Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be Pretty Cute.

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Pick a number between 1 and 10. Sorry you lost, you’ll have to take off all your clothes.

Nice legs, what time do they open?

Have you been to the Doctor lately? Cause I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me.

You look so familiar... didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had Chemistry.

I’m in the mood for pizza... a pizza you, that is!

Nice hair, wanna mess it up?

If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Do you like Mexican food? Cause I want to wrap you in my arms and make you my BAE-RITTO.

Are you a vampire? Cause you looked a little thirsty when you looked at me.

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

This Week I want...
Your excuses for being LATE.

Just to be clear, it's the same guidelines!
So an EXAMPLE would be:

"I was possessed, the priest barely made it out alive."
Code Name/Password: L8WhiteRabbit

You have until Sunday 21st, 4pm (BST)
I might make this the last one, depending on interest, we'll see.
So, off you pop!
The prize this time is a Silver Pocket Watch.
Good luck!

http://freesuggestionbox.com/pub/lspdbge

Posted: **Thu Jun 18, 2020 10:47 am**

72 hours and 13 minutes left, people. Plenty of time to throw in your entries.
Currently, this is looking like the last round, so last chance!

Ab Antiquo

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