Ab Antiquo

I’ve been sat staring at a blank word document for a month now. I can’t tell you exactly how annoying it has been for me. Every time I’ve tried to write something down, anything at all, I’ve been instantly overcome with this urgent need to do anything but work. Has anyone else felt like this? One moment you have been trying to work your arse off, and the next you are hoovering your couch just to avoid the doom that is the important stuff. Here, let me list a few of the many things I have done in my quest to avoid the office:

1. Bought a red rug just so I could sweep under it.

2. Read War and Peace.

3. Watched every Disney movie ever made,
including the straight to video ones.

4. Painted my apartment three different colours.

5. Bought another pig.

6. Learned how to yodel.

And there are many, many more in this list. It was only this morning that I even got up the nerve to lock myself in my office and start writing. I had to literally lock the door. Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is? But, if I didn’t write this down then I would have just ended up writing something that has already been written a million times over. It was while locked in this (tiny cupboard) home office that an idea struck me. I can’t be the only one who struggles with keeping up with their work, I really can’t be the only person who struggles to find the motivation to do anything.

With that in mind I thought I’d open it up for discussion.

What do you do to motivate yourself?

What is your biggest distraction?

I’d really like to know.

I'm a chatterbox (surprising no one), so my main source of motivation has always been to talk to people. Lots of people. People who believe in me and motivate me (my partners, family, close friends), or even listening to those that think I'm a shithead, because "fuck you" is a big motivator for me.

But the way I stick to doing certain things is I make a habit of it. I do the thing every day, just a little, until it feels natural. If you only do something when you need to, the stress of doing it can seem unsurmountable, especially if you're anxious as all get out like I am. Doing it every day, just a bit, makes it routine so it's not as big of a deal.

My current motivation is funnily enough is actually the people I work with. I struggle to keep up with the likes of Andre and Liander - but they motivate me to be a better writer and to work harder on my pieces (this one not included, this is more of fun piece). I find that when I read their work I can find insperation to work on my own stuff.

A big distraction for me is my low confidence in my work. I'm always worried what other people are thinking and I am 100% sure that most of the stuff I write isn't any good, I end up deleting half my stuff.

My motivation has and always will be the people I care about. I don't like socializing and I'm particularly bad at getting involved with things I don't have attachments too (of which there's a lot), but those few in my life who made an impact, those who crashed through the walls I know I put up and told me to stop being an asshole, they inspire me to do better. To be better. It might not fit everyone's standard, and it might not be in huge ways, but I work to put smiles on their faces in any way I can.

The biggest distraction for me is looking back. Not letting go of things in the past that I'm convinced will happen again in the future. It keeps me from fully growing, I think, and I keep finding reasons to need to focus on security. I focus too much on surviving rather than living. It's something I know I need to work on, but I need to do it in baby steps.