Everly wrote: ↑Fri Aug 09, 2024 7:47 pmnobody's soldier
ETA: Thank you to everyone who critiqued this piece over and over and over again for me. I've gone through more drafts of this than I care to count, including two total re-writes. A particular shoutout to Carrot and Cia for their patience with me.
I love this line so much:
"Gambled a dive" is a phrase I haven't heard before, got a nice ring, and you follow through on the metaphor neatly with "the dice rolled in her favour".She gambled a dive beneath his sword, prying herself from it with a grunt and quick prayer. The dice rolled in her favour and she caught him unaware.
Love the way you control time and slow it down through flashbacks, and speed it up with dynamic prose and shorter sentences. I love the title you used, too: that song is amazing for characters who take a non-violent stance in RBC. A vibe. The history of interpersonal (inter-character??) conflict and the internal conflict? Lit as hell.
Overall a really skillfully written piece. Thank you for the read!