Challenge: Writing As A Hostile Act

[Everly]

nobody's soldier

ETA: Thank you to everyone who critiqued this piece over and over and over again for me. I've gone through more drafts of this than I care to count, including two total re-writes. A particular shoutout to Carrot and Cia for their patience with me.

[Yawa]

nobody's soldier

ETA: Thank you to everyone who critiqued this piece over and over and over again for me. I've gone through more drafts of this than I care to count, including two total re-writes. A particular shoutout to Carrot and Cia for their patience with me.

Hellllll yessss thank you for the submission!

[Yawa]

Okie dokie; I'm doin' it! Submitting this bit as an official entry:

The Long Road To Anywhere But Home - Sawyer

Awwwwyis thanks for the submission!!

[Vex]

Argentum

ty Cia for being the best :>

[Yawa]

Argentum

ty Cia for being the best :>

yessss ty for the submission bb!!

[Vanitas]

Alright, I did it.

https://abantiquo.aldergate.net/viewtop ... =17&t=3314

I've loved reading about Louvain and his character here and in quick roleplays in the Angelarium, Rev, etc. There's a lot of really juicy inner conflict - "There is no lasting happiness in it [warfare, ambition] yet my heart stirs and my hand yearns for the blade."

This is great character work. I love the contrast in Louvain's nature of being a "killer with a heart of gold" (quoting from a convo I saw between Lou and others in an Angelarium discussion) - it's so juicy. As an aside I love that you don't shy away from Louvain showing tears and emotion when they're there. It gives the character a lot of depth and complexity

Edit because I reread the bit I crossed out and was like “huh?”

What I mean is: Lou comes off really easygoing in quick RPs but never without depth. Which is really hard to do in few words and you manage to do it swimmingly, including in this piece.

The piece itself shows a lot of control and economy with words, and opens up even more questions while still allowing a good peek into the character and psychology of Louvain. Hard to do in 1k words . I don’t know why I try to sound like my lecturers, tbh. I’m still just practicing, lmao.

Thank you so much for the read!

[Yawa]

Yo!

Deadline for submissions is 31 August.

I'm going to take some time to read and comment on everything (full disclosure I've only been doing positive feedback because it's easier, lol, but there's a working list of critical readers you can poke for more substantive feedback) before I choose a winner. Guesstimate I'll have a winner about 9-14 September unless something happens.

Thanks to everyone who's submitted so far.

ETA: Let's make that about 20 September because damn yall, ya boi buzy

ETA 2: Q4 kicking my ass. School almost done tho Early October it is!

[Yawa]

https://abantiquo.aldergate.net/viewtop ... =17&t=3322

>>

Love the little glimpses of humour here and there: Stardew Valley, man about a horse, nope not a stroke. "If this isn't home, where then" is an ace internal character conflict, and I like that Ophelia seems to get that question from an olfactory memory. Feels really real and relatable; I think most of us have had weird ghost smells and associated memories.

I don't know if you meant for the association with "home" and death ("at the bottom of an urn") to be there, but my brain's kinda hanging on to that.

I like the use of space in this piece, like - I mean the spaces between paragraphs and the use of space to really make the intrusive thoughts (?) pop. This whole piece feels like the start of a new arc for Ophelia, or maybe the start of a completion of an arc? Either way, can't wait to see where you take the character.

Thank you for the read!

[Yawa]

https://abantiquo.aldergate.net/viewtop ... 196#p55196

why the hell not, lol.

I love how raw and honest this is. When I see you write Zach elsewhere—in servers, in chats, whenimstalkingyouwritinghimwithvexintheritzlol—he more often than not comes off as a really positive, really emotionally strong character. Nothing seems to bother him. Which is why this piece is giving me the big feels.

That feeling of "damn, I thought I was over this" is super fuckin relatable as well. One of the coolest things about RB to me is that people get to explore very human emotions and look at em sideways from the perspective of a fictional character.

A supernatural fictional character, too, so idk it feels like there's more buffer, and more wiggle room to really play with the shadow in our writing and development of these characters.

I love you a lot, Deeno. I'm so fuckin glad you're still writing and creating and being you.

[Vanitas]

Okie dokie; I'm doin' it! Submitting this bit as an official entry:

The Long Road To Anywhere But Home - Sawyer

This is such a raw read -- very vulnerable. The TWs say "drug use, depression, and passive suicidal tendencies," and I love how you really leaned into the tougher, less "socially acceptable" representation(s) of mental illness. I've noticed that in a lot of spaces, characters who exhibit the uglier, more hopeless symptoms of mental illness don't get as much love as, idk, women depicted at their "lowest point" but still sexy and still presentable and with shaved armpits or wtfever (lol, looking at you, The Queen's Gambit). I think this is also reflected in irl spaces.

Made me think of a quote from Stephanie Swensrude (x):

There is starting to be less stigma towards those who struggle with “pretty” and “noble” mental illnesses. PTSD, depression, eating disorders – they suffer quietly and tend to mostly harm themselves.

Lots of people are quick to say, “Reach out! If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here.”

Well, what about when someone with BPD has a rough day so they break up with their partner, drink 15 beers, have unsafe sex, and then mutilate their body?
Would you have sympathy for someone who did that?

Thank you for the read!