[messiah complex]

[Liander]

I F Y O U S T I L L T H I N K I ' M Y O U R F U C K I N G H E R O
T H E N Y O U H A V E N ' T B E E N P A Y I N G A T T E N T I O N

[Liander]

(stop lying to yourself)
you were always a monster.

you needed the labels -
thrived, survived on them
keep lying; tell them you didn't care
but the truth is that fragile ego needed the attention
so tell them, little monster, tell them -
You are the vampire Liander.
You are sire to no other vampires.
You are a master vampire, with no sire.
tell them how much it hurts to be alone
I'm sorry, Nyatta.

but you can't say it
can't admit you were wrong
not now, not ever
[but you fucking loved the disease]

[tell them you're the bad guy]
[tell them how much you enjoyed it]
adjust that collar,
tug that sleeve
you vainnarcissisticegotistical---
emerald eyes, dark hair, jawline for days;
but those proud, lean muscles have atrophied
that twitch that kept you above the rest is gone

selfish.
arrogant.
bipolar, borderline schizophrenic.
[didn't the disease make you stronger?]
you were going to have to save them all
nobody else can, right?
so save them, you narcissist.
by whatever fucking means necessary.
(because that's never served you wrong before, right?
right?
it's always someone else's fault, right?
RIGHT?)

fucking splinterd'darywannabe
as if you could hold yourself amongst them
[do you think she would still be proud of you?]
[do you really think she could stomach what you became?]
you can't commit -
childer;sires;wives;clans;all abandoned, all burned for the sake of your fucking GLORY
not even to staying dead, much less to them
tell me -
was that hill worth dying on?

and yet, as the city shrinks -
as you drive them off one by one by one -
you survive.
they died so you could thrive.

[Liander]

enter the warrior soldier

(this is the --- )
this is you.
(this is what you really are)

you are the vampire liander.
you are a soldier, a leashed dog, a blunt weapon
that's all you've ever been to them, justanothertrophy
(and instead of learning from it, you treated them all the same)
THEREISNOINDIVIDUALTHEREISONLY
need.
consume,feast,destroy,fight,win,fuck,and latherrinserepeat
win.
win.
win.
HAVETOneedto
fucking win
(we can't disappoint mommy, can we?)

it's simple if you pay attention, really
the rage isn't real.
bounces,runs,avoidsattachment
siretosire
fucktofuck
throw them all away, because it hurts
because -
(because i'm scared)
all you do is letthemdown
poor, insecure, little monster, with your FRAGILEfuckingego

nowealthnoruinnosilvernogold
nothing satisfies you but the chase, the hunt
do you feel that adrenaline, letitsurgethroughyou,
thebigbadwolfiscoming
you were never haunted by your wars
you missed them;
because you're nothing without a fight

Welcome back, Liander.

[Liander]

(my mind is a home I'm trapped in)

THESE ARE, AS FOLLOWS AND IN ORDER OF IMPORT, THOSE WHO DESERVE BETTER FROM YOU.
THESE IMPRESSIVE FEW WHO PEERED THROUGH THE FACADE AND SAW YOUR DARKNESS AND STAYED.
HERE IS THE APOLOGY I'M NOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO SAY.

I push away the people that I love the most; why?
I don't want no one to know I'm vulnerable; why?
That makes me feel weak and so uncomfortable; why?
I don't care what anybody else thinks; lies
I do not need nobody to help me; lies

And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
I'm barricaded inside, so stop watchin'
I'm not coming to the door, so stop knockin', stop knockin'
I'm trapped here, God keeps saying I'm not locked in
I chose this, I am lost in my own conscience
I know that shuttin' the world out ain't solvin' the problem
But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve 'em

(and it's lonely inside this mansion)