Today's random thought - self-confidence

[Dae]

This piece of mine comes from one simple question, what does it mean to have self-confidence?

It is a question I have struggled with for the longest time, and I think I will continue to struggle with it until the day I put myself in the ground.

Ever since I joined this city I have been plagued by self-doubt. I just don’t believe in myself, no matter what it is I do – I always feel like I am wrong and someone else would do it better. An example of this is Ab. When I started Ab, it was simple, there weren’t many readers and I didn’t have to put too much pressure on myself to give them something I knew I could not give. But, Ab isn’t that small little project anymore, and I’m scared.

A lot of people think that I am lazy, which is my own fault, but the truth is – I don’t trust in my own judgement. I don’t believe I deserve to be here. I don’t believe I deserve Ab.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I have felt like quitting, but the thought of letting people down scares me more than failing. There are people around me who believe in me, but I just can’t seem to believe in myself.

It is because of this lack of self-confidence that I took a trip to the taverns. I wanted to find out what others believed it meant, I got a few response to the question ‘What does having self-confidence mean?’;

To be secure in yourself and your abilities, by definition.

Talon here gave me a great and straight to the point answer, he defined the definition of self-confidence easily using the dictionary definition, which is trusting in your own abilities, talents and judgement. So in concept self-confidence shouldn’t be as hard as it is. All you need to do is trust. But what If you can’t do that? What do you do if no matter how hard you try, you always feel like you are letting people down? As someone with low self-confidence I really want to know how to trust myself.

It means eliminating a lot of false apologies from your vernacular. Exercising self-confidence and self-awareness aren't always the same thing. There are a lot of confident folks who haven't a clue what they're doing, but they're content to do it.

Drella gave another definition, one that I find very interesting. To her it seems that to have self-confidence you must simply be sure of yourself and to just do whatever it is you plan on doing even if you haven’t the foggiest as to if it is the right thing to do or not. In that sense, is it not better to be self-aware instead of self-confident? Is self-confidence worth having if it could lead to failing?

Self confidence seems like a something that is hard to define, but I’d like to know what it means to you. Tell me, what is self-confidence and how do you show the world you have it?

[Elijah]

Feel free to call me "Elijah", cutie - and thank you for the mention!

I believe that self-confidence is gained through the hearthy use of the scientific method, as the typical process goes:

- Formulating a question.
- Formulating an hypothesis.
- Prediction.
- Testing.
- Analysis.

There's a a good medium terrain between self-awareness and self-confidence, and the insight to come with the appropiate response depending on the situation comes from nothing but experience and some observational skills.
The lack of self-confidence doesn't necessarily have to be a lifetime sentance, and, much like the young vampires that learn how to reign in their impulses with the guidance of a Sire, or the input of other people - self-confidence can, too, be learnt and improved upon.

It was a lovely little soapbox. Here's hoping to read more from you!

[Rienhardt]

Dae, you're thinking too much. Allow me to quote the warrior poet Q-Tip:

"How far must you go to gain respect? Umm...
Well its kind of simple; just remain your own.
Or you'll be crazy sad, and alone."

Using your own example of the Ab: Write and/or report because it makes you happy. If your happiness (and confidence) depends on other people it'll always be shifting this way or the other cuz people are flakes. Granted-- we all have obligations, but if fulfilling those obligations has become more stressful than they are rewarding, maybe its time to revisit why started doing all this in the first place.

Now about this fear of failure paralyzing you, I'll quote the actual warrior General Patton:

"A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week."

I haven't directly addressed your issue with Confidence because the truth is that it comes alone. By being true to yourself and striving for proficiency in a topic of your choosing (progress, not perfection), confidence will come. But far more important than being confident in what it is your doing, is honesty. Honesty in yourself, and honesty in action.

Just do you, boo boo. Everything else can slide.

[Dea]

Well said, Rien.